paper scraps.

"i don't know where this road is going to take me, but i want to be brave enough to step out into the deep and go for that adventure."  -mm

(i found a scrap of paper in my box of memories with this written on it. i don't remember when i wrote it, but i believe this is still part of my manifesto. )

2 0 1 4 in review + recapping my 365 project

over the last few weeks, as i've been working on packing up our home and preparing for the changes 2015 is going to bring, my heart has been full. i've been reading through journals and posts i wrote at the beginning of this year (let's not even talk about my lack commitment with my 2014 resolutions #smh) and finding all the little notebook scraps of thoughts i just never had the time to fully develop, and through the scribbled letters and tear stains; i've been finding His faithfulness. over and over. moment after moment. His faithfulness.

2014 was such a year of growth in my life. i started out as broken and tired. i needed life-- His life, His breath. and somehow as much as i tried, i couldn't seem to grasp it. i had to stop fighting for control and when the clenched fingers of my stubborn heart finally let go-- He came and gave me life again. it was a year of finding passions and realizing what makes my heart beat faster. and also it's been a year of hard stuff, learning how to let Him make me brave, learning how to keep an invincible joy, learning about coming home, learning how to be grateful for the beautiful people who make saying goodbye so hard, learning, learning, always learning. 

but "it's been a beautiful fight, it still is." 

JANUARY: was learning about community. and how important it is to be surrounded by people. it was restless nights, searching for something i didn't know i needed. 

FEBRUARY: was sweet sixteen. it was birthday cards and full page letters in the mail from some of the dearest people. it was permit tests and driving on the road for the first time. it was hearing favorite songs on the radio for the first time and dwelling on who He Is. 

MARCH: was carolina accents and reuniting with old friends and picking up right where we left off. it was dunkin donut runs, watching movies while making our own comments throughout the entire movie. it was that little tan house tucked back on a north carolina road. it was cousin shenanigans and 10:00pm carrot jello cravings. it seeing a smile on the face of a broken heart. it was good hearts and good laughter.  

APRIL: was a growing month. it was learning how to put selfish feelings aside and give love. it was spring arriving and library book hauls. it was learning "to love the the skies i'm under." (mumford & sons)

MAY: was finding joy again. it was trying to get back the words i had lost and finding i don't hate summer quite as much as i thought i did. 

JUNE: was finding forgiveness and healing. it was conferences with my bestie and coming to the end of myself all over again. it was tears of joy and tight hugs. it was once again, choosing love and learning how to keep choosing it. 

JULY: was stretching. hard. yet, learning how to live with the curveballs life throws. discovering the people you called "home" for the longest time, don't feel like home anymore and then realizing that i guess maybe it's okay. maybe it's part of growing up.

AUGUST: was yellowstone adventuring. it was good books and family jokes. it was huckleberry froyo and learning to let Him make me brave. (still working on that one now though.) it was iced chai lattes and dowtown adventures with my kindred spirit. it was those moments when it just hits you-- how beautiful life really is. 

SEPTEMBER: was kitchen dance parties and homemade pizza at midnight. it was running into old friends and making way to much applesauce. it was a bonfire night and realizing how blessed i am to be surrounded by so many good souls. 

OCTOBER: was my favorite month. it was rainy afternoons and baking pie at 9:00pm. it was a first red rocks concert. it was golden leaves and tuesday night baking. it was photoshoots and 1am heart-to-hearts and early morning adventures with my best friend. 

NOVEMBER: was finding contentment. learning how to wait. learning how selfish my heart still is. longing for more of Him and less of me. 

DECEMBER: was a month filled to the very brim- graduations, semester finals, packing, traveling, Christmas. it was the month of peace and joy and bittersweet realizations. it was the month of realizing how growing up changes your outlook. i realized that i now see things so differently than i did as a child-- i can see the mistakes and the regret and the pain, but i can also remember the laughter, the bear hugs, the love, the safety. and i'm still working on finding the balance between the two perspectives. 

oh, 2014, you've been one heck of a year and i will be forever grateful for the love and growth you brought to my life. 

happy twenty-fifteen, friends! as the C.S. Lewis wrote, "further up and further in." 

let's press deeply into the heart of Jesus this year! 

xoxo. -marcia

in which i remember why i photograph

Today I was going through some old photos, looking for a specific picture when I stumbled across these.

These have been some of my all time favorite pictures and if you've been around here long enough, you've probably seen at least one of them. Why? I'm not exactly sure. Before I thought that it was just because they captured the parts of summer I really love. The campfires, barbecues, picnics, wildflowers, delicious lighting, and happy bokeh.  But, looking deeper, I realized that these handful of photos hold something more, it's kinda like an emotional connection. 

Because I remember exactly what happened that weekend when I look at these.

I had just spent a fabulous three days with my best friend. (you can find the original post here) 

We went thrifting, wrote happy lists, and bought caramel frappes and matching eiffel tower necklaces. 

We discovered we had matching skirts. (and I think that goes on the record for the first time I've ever liked matching outfits.) 

We played this song on repeat, and sang it so much I'm positive everyone in a 20 mile radius was sick of it.  

We both woke up at 5am one morning and slept till 9:30am the next (completely unplanned and without alarms).  And the amount of times we said the word "happiness" was completely ridiculous.

And that photo with gray nailpolish and pink sparkles.... ^^ I remember exactly where we were when I painted them. We were sitting on her living room couch, watching A Walk To Remember and Clancy, and laughing hysterically over this quote from the latter.  

"You've need to leave."

"Why?"

"Because you're standing in a very dangerous spot."

"The sidewalk?"

"NO, next to me." 

(And she was the one that painted that nail, because I couldn't (and still can't) paint my left hand for the life of me.)

But I remember something else from that evening (aside from the ridiculously cute little guy eating Doritos). It was a Sunday evening, and maybe it was depression after a ridiculously happy weekend, but that day had been terrible. 

The sun had just finished setting behind the mountains leaving only a glow in the sky and the light from the campfire flickered across the faces. I was sitting on the outer edge of the campfire listening to the stories and laughter that echoed around the circle. I remembered finally giving up and letting the tears swell up in my eyes, because for the first time, I had been hit by the harsh reality that people change. And it hurts to watch the people who your thirteen year old mind thought would never change, become somebody you didn't even know.

When I look back at these, I feel the same thing. I remember exactly what it felt like, how much it hurt. 

Yes, I photograph to leave a legacy. Yes, I photograph to channel creative juices. 

But, I photograph because it wraps up a memory and keeps it safe, even though life keeps moving and things keep changing. 

Because it's important to remember who you were and how you lived and how He was the same all along. 

xx. -marcia

if i were.

(I stumbled upon this girl's lovely blog last week and saw her post, so I decided to borrow her idea and add a few of my own. If you want to do it too, leave the link in the comments so I can read yours!)

If I were a month, I’d be December. 
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Tuesday.
If I were a time of day, I'd be 10:00pm.
If I were a number, I'd be fifteen.
If I were a planet, I'd be Neptune.
If I were a city, I'd be portland.
If I were a direction, I’d be north.
If I were a liquid, I’d be earl grey.
If I were a gemstone, I'd be a pearl.
If I were a tree, I’d be a willow.
If I were a flower, I’d be a ranunculus.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a steady rain.
If I were an animal, I'd be a bird.
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a guitar.
If I were a car, I’d be this car.
If I were a material, I’d be polyester.
If I were a colour, I’d be #F0543C.
If I were a berry, I'd be a blueberry.
If I were a vegetable, I'd be a pea.
If I were a scent, I’d be the smell of fresh coffee and cookies. 
If I were a sound, I'd be the waves constant crashing on the shore. 
If I were a book, I'd be "the blue castle" by l.m. montgomery
If I were a quote, I'd be

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

 - C.S. Lewis 

If I were a song, I'd be "better than this" - hunter hayes


xx. marcia

hometowns & nostalgia (and a brand spanking new design)

these are some frames from when we visited my hometown two weeks again + some old stories are my old favorites. 

"Now the years have blown by me like the wind through the pines,but the song of the south is ever sweet as homemade wine.Oh, how I miss those mountains when the laurels are in bloom, and the southern stars are dancin' 'round the North Carolina moon." -carolina moon, scotty mccreery

C L E V E L A N D,  N O R T H   C A R O L I N A

It's the town where I spent the first eight years of my life. The town where a little two bedroom house with a green roof stood. The town where I learned to ride a bike, and baked cookies by myself for the first time. 

It's amazing how much comes back when you drive the same roads again for the first time in four years. so and so used to live on that road.... dad worked built a house on this road.... we used to go here for piano lessons... the best little Mexican restaurant used to be there. 

A   F E W   M Y   F A V O R I T E   S T O R I E S 

+  I remember the sticky hot summer days we spent on the town, grocery shopping. Our little black car became an oven and we'd roll every window down and open up the sunroof. I learned to open the car door and put on the seat buckle without touching the little metal part because one time I did, and I had a blister for the next week to show for it. On the way home, we'd always dig out yogurt cups and pack of fig bars to munch on. 

+ During blueberry season, my sister and I would spend hours sitting under the shade of our blueberry bushes with our dolls, and a picnic spread complete with plastic food and plates. We filled our little bowls with the big juicy berries and replenished them whenever they became empty. sticky hands, blue and purple stained mouths, and full stomachs. 

+ Once a month, we'd pull out our bikes and ride down the lane with the rent check in one hand, and steering with the other. We knew to peddle as fast as we could as soon as we passed the field where the dreaded bull was. Once we made it up the hill and arrived at the barn, we'd dump our bikes, push open the big red door and head to the corner where the blocks of salt were. One of us would hold the check while the other found an ax and chipped off a few chunks of salt. (don't worry, they were unused salt licks.)  After a few minutes, the door would get closed and we would slide the check underneath.  Popping a piece of salt into our mouths, and putting the other in our pocket for later, we'd head back down the dusty lane.

+ We'd often hang out in the apple orchard and each of us had our designated tree, where only you would be allowed to climb. My bare feet learned to steer around the mushy fallen apples after multiple times of finding bumble bees hidden in the overripe fruit. 

+ Some how the carrots seemed to disappear from the fridge whenever Charlie the donkey (that's him up there ^^) was in the pasture next to the house. We'd stick our arms and heads through the barbed wire (which usually ended up with someone's hair getting tangled in the fence) and laugh as we heard him crunching on the carrots. 

+ CJ's BBQ, aka  the place with the best breakfast pancakes and the fat little pig on the sign. Every year on our birthdays, Papa would take us out on our birthdays. He'd walk in and start chatting with the employees and I'd find a booth. The waitress would come by and I'd tell them it was my birthday and order the same thing every year: pancakes, a piece of bacon, one egg, and orange juice. They would always bring it the same way, with whipped cream and cherry pie filling making a smiley face on top of the pancakes.

+ We'd come inside after long mornings and afternoons in the sun. Our skin tanned, and her hair falling out of her pony tail while my curls frizzed everywhere. We'd find the jug of iced tea, pour ourselves a cup and stood in front of the window air conditioner units until Papa drove in the drive. 

(I'm pretty sure I've got too much nostalgia in this soul of mine. )

xx. Marcia. 

p.s. thoughts on the new design? i thought it was definitely time for a change. 

p.p.s. happy second day of spring!

i am not, but I know I AM

*just two photos from last summer*

I know, you are probably thinking, what kind of title is that? well, God has been showing me a lot about who He is this last month, and this is just something that has been on my heart of late... 

disclaimer: this is going against everything society and modern Christianity is pointing at. and I know that, this is taking a step out, and going against the flow. 


Everybody has a story. How's that for a classic cliche` statement? Lately, there is a big movement going on in the blogging/internet world about everybody having a story, and how we need to "create our story".  I'm going to do something extremely shocking right now,  so prepare yourselves. I disagree. I disagree with the fact that everybody has a story. I believe we have a chapter, a part of The Story. We as humans get so wrapped up in our story that we forget it isn't really ours. Our culture is constantly throwing ads, commercials, movies, and music at us. And it's all about making you feel good, it's all about you. We get so caught up in the "It's all about ME" attitude. Everything is about us. It's my dreams, my wants, my wishes, and heck, it's my life.  I disagree. 

A few weeks ago, I picked up the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. (remember this post?) I have been wanting to read it ever since it came out, but I never got around to it. And I guess God had a plan for that because right before this He was really showing me somethings and this book fit right into His plan.  I read the entire book in less than an hour; it was so good. 

"Suppose you are an extra in an upcoming movie. You will probably scrutinize that one scene where hundreds of people are milling around, just waiting for that two-fifths of a second when you can see the back of your head. Maybe your mom and your closest friend get excited about that two-fifths of a second with you … maybe. But no one else will realize it is you. Even if you tell them, they won’t care..... Now let's think about the movie of Life. From start to finish, this movie is obviously about God. He is the main character. How is it possible that we live as though it is about us? Our scenes in the movie, our brief lives, fall somewhere between the time Jesus ascends into heaven (Acts) and when we will all worship God on His throne in heaven (Revelation). We have only our two-fifths-of-a-second-long scene to live. I don’t know about you, but I want my two-fifths of a second to be about my making much of God. The point of your life is to point to Him. Whatever you are doing, God wants to be glorified, because this whole thing is His. It is His movie, His world, His gift." (from Crazy Love, ch.2) 

That was my favorite part. You see, it isn't our story (or movie). We are just a chapter in His story, and our chapter is only so long. I was also listening to a sermon by Francis Chan and he mentioned a story about a girl who was preparing for a big speech she had coming up for a class. She prayed "God, I just want to to be there and show your Glory." As she continued preparing she felt God tell her "This is my party, remember? I'm the one who invited you. You should be thankful to have a part in it." We forget it's not our party. It is NOT about us. Recently the song "Steal My Show" by TobyMac hit Christian radio. When I first heard it, I knew there was something wrong about it; but I just couldn't put my finger on it. The music itself is catchy and fun, but it was the lyrics that caught my attention. 

"If you wanna steal my show, I'll sit back and watch you go.

 If you've got somethin' to say, go on and take it away.  -Steal My Show

Yes, TobyMac was talking about his concerts when he says "my show", but really? it shouldn't be "my" show in the first place. It's His party we are invited too, remember? God doesn't need us in His story, but He chose to use us. It was part of His plan. Last weekend, we went on a little road trip and I had time for some extra reading, so I started the book "i am not but I know I AM" by Louie Giglio  (Now, you know where the title came from! ;)) This book was just as impacting and convicting as Crazy Love was. But since the book is so good and I don't want to insert the entire thing in here, I'm going to paraphrase what the message of the book is about. so, humor me for a second...

Remember the story with Moses and the Burning Bush? When Moses asked God "Who shall I say sent me?" What was God's answer?  "I AM THAT I AM. Tell them, I AM sent you."  God was saying, I am everything. I am the beginning and the end, the first and the last, yesterday and tomorrow, now and forever. I AM. 
So, if God is I AM... than who am I?  i am not.  I am everything opposite of God. I am human. I make mistakes. I hurt people. I call myself a Christian, yet I don't act like Christ. I get so wrapped up in my story, my future, my drama, my dreams... that I forget it's not about me. i am not. This is not my story. It's HIS. 

so, this blog isn't about my story. It's about my chapter in  H I S  story. and yes there is going to be mistakes, regrets, and storms along the way, but I know who my Jesus is and I know what He has done. 
and I just wanna thank you for coming along for the ride...
xxx
i am not.