2 0 1 4 in review + recapping my 365 project

over the last few weeks, as i've been working on packing up our home and preparing for the changes 2015 is going to bring, my heart has been full. i've been reading through journals and posts i wrote at the beginning of this year (let's not even talk about my lack commitment with my 2014 resolutions #smh) and finding all the little notebook scraps of thoughts i just never had the time to fully develop, and through the scribbled letters and tear stains; i've been finding His faithfulness. over and over. moment after moment. His faithfulness.

2014 was such a year of growth in my life. i started out as broken and tired. i needed life-- His life, His breath. and somehow as much as i tried, i couldn't seem to grasp it. i had to stop fighting for control and when the clenched fingers of my stubborn heart finally let go-- He came and gave me life again. it was a year of finding passions and realizing what makes my heart beat faster. and also it's been a year of hard stuff, learning how to let Him make me brave, learning how to keep an invincible joy, learning about coming home, learning how to be grateful for the beautiful people who make saying goodbye so hard, learning, learning, always learning. 

but "it's been a beautiful fight, it still is." 

JANUARY: was learning about community. and how important it is to be surrounded by people. it was restless nights, searching for something i didn't know i needed. 

FEBRUARY: was sweet sixteen. it was birthday cards and full page letters in the mail from some of the dearest people. it was permit tests and driving on the road for the first time. it was hearing favorite songs on the radio for the first time and dwelling on who He Is. 

MARCH: was carolina accents and reuniting with old friends and picking up right where we left off. it was dunkin donut runs, watching movies while making our own comments throughout the entire movie. it was that little tan house tucked back on a north carolina road. it was cousin shenanigans and 10:00pm carrot jello cravings. it seeing a smile on the face of a broken heart. it was good hearts and good laughter.  

APRIL: was a growing month. it was learning how to put selfish feelings aside and give love. it was spring arriving and library book hauls. it was learning "to love the the skies i'm under." (mumford & sons)

MAY: was finding joy again. it was trying to get back the words i had lost and finding i don't hate summer quite as much as i thought i did. 

JUNE: was finding forgiveness and healing. it was conferences with my bestie and coming to the end of myself all over again. it was tears of joy and tight hugs. it was once again, choosing love and learning how to keep choosing it. 

JULY: was stretching. hard. yet, learning how to live with the curveballs life throws. discovering the people you called "home" for the longest time, don't feel like home anymore and then realizing that i guess maybe it's okay. maybe it's part of growing up.

AUGUST: was yellowstone adventuring. it was good books and family jokes. it was huckleberry froyo and learning to let Him make me brave. (still working on that one now though.) it was iced chai lattes and dowtown adventures with my kindred spirit. it was those moments when it just hits you-- how beautiful life really is. 

SEPTEMBER: was kitchen dance parties and homemade pizza at midnight. it was running into old friends and making way to much applesauce. it was a bonfire night and realizing how blessed i am to be surrounded by so many good souls. 

OCTOBER: was my favorite month. it was rainy afternoons and baking pie at 9:00pm. it was a first red rocks concert. it was golden leaves and tuesday night baking. it was photoshoots and 1am heart-to-hearts and early morning adventures with my best friend. 

NOVEMBER: was finding contentment. learning how to wait. learning how selfish my heart still is. longing for more of Him and less of me. 

DECEMBER: was a month filled to the very brim- graduations, semester finals, packing, traveling, Christmas. it was the month of peace and joy and bittersweet realizations. it was the month of realizing how growing up changes your outlook. i realized that i now see things so differently than i did as a child-- i can see the mistakes and the regret and the pain, but i can also remember the laughter, the bear hugs, the love, the safety. and i'm still working on finding the balance between the two perspectives. 

oh, 2014, you've been one heck of a year and i will be forever grateful for the love and growth you brought to my life. 

happy twenty-fifteen, friends! as the C.S. Lewis wrote, "further up and further in." 

let's press deeply into the heart of Jesus this year! 

xoxo. -marcia

heart things + january frames

(a collection of photos from snow days in january) 

sometimes my heart is so quiet it scares me.
my head is swirling with so many thoughts, inspiration and plans, but my heart feels so so quiet.
i've never been good with words, but i've always been able to make them come.
i know what it is to feel. and then write what i feel, even if it isn't poetry or filled with eloquent metaphors.
but, lately- even that's gone.

they say every heart goes through seasons. maybe it's winter in mine right now.
maybe it's okay.  (because spring always comes after winter.)

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"While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, and day and night shall not cease." 

-Genesis 8: 22

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january was a month for reading new books, cherishing the simple, large cups of tea, adding twinkle lights to your room, and long messy journal entries.
it was finding God's faithfulness once again.
it was realizing sometimes even words are enough.
it was learning it's okay to be quiet. (be still my soul.)

here i am, six days into february. with only nine more days of being fifteen left.
two words: excited. terrified. 

xx. marcia.

ten things i need to hear more often.

i. be happy, even when things look difficult. (for the joy of the Lord is your strength. nehemiah 8:10)

ii. you don't need their stamp of approval on your life or life decisions to be happy.
happiness doesn't exist in them- it exists in Jesus.

iii. kindred spirits are to be cherished. (they aren't replaceable.)

iv. just because things don't go as planned, it doesn't mean they don't turn out well.

v. everybody deserves a second chance.

vi. your decisions don't only affect you. they affect others around you in ways you will never know.

vii. sometimes love is quiet on the outside, but it's LOUD on the inside.

viii. it's okay to cry sometimes. tears have a way of healing.

ix. someday all the pain will be worth it. (He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. romans 8:28)

x. be thankful for every little thing. cherish the laughter. remember  the good times.

goodbye october, you were quite lovely. 
hello november, please be good. 
xx. marcia

also, i'm back from my trip to tennessee. actually i came back a week ago, but let's not talk about that. but, i have a few posts in the works to tell you all about the adventure. (1:00am flights, redneck flea markets, southern accents- i think yes.)
and a huge shoutout to the ever so lovely mikaliah, who ended up being the only guest poster that worked out, but i think she had enough beauty in that one post to cover the lack of posts in the entire month of october. if you missed it, you can read it here.

the cry of my heart.

(photos from over the last year)

a few days ago I came across this quote on tumblr.....

"if you want to know what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph." -unknown 

that just stuck in my mind. I kept thinking about it throughout the rest of the day. I was in the process of finishing backing up all my photos from my computer to our hard drive. and I was looking through some of my photos and observing what I photographed the most.

i realized....
i'm afraid of losing the sound of laughter from my friends and family.
i'm afraid of losing the cloudy rainy days that i love so much.
i'm afraid of losing the beautiful  l i f e  i've been given.
i'm afraid of forgetting all the simple joys in life... cups of coffee and tea, favorite books, the way the sun shines through the slats in the blinds leaving patterns on the floor, the stack of messy dishes on the counter which i was avoiding, the messy hair days, the wildflowers swaying in the breeze along the highway... i don't want to forget that.  

you see, there is nothing wrong with living a simple life.

"But we urge you, brethren, that you increase more and more [in brotherly love], that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands..."          -1 Thessalonians 4: 10-11

 i can get so caught up in all the things i need to get done that i forget what's the most important. America (and the world in general) has such an attitude of busy-ness. We rush from one thing to the next; we are literally attached to our technology 24/7 (you might as well super glue them to your hands); and we build our lives around the next big thing or deal. through all this, we forget about the God who created us. we push His plans onto the back shelf and carry on as if our life is still our own. THIS IS NOT OUR LIFE.. we've have been bought with a price, and that price was the Son of God dying on that cross for us. Yet we push off our morning devotions and prayer time, each time promising ourselves "I'll do it tomorrow when I have more time." or "I am to busy right now, I'll make up for it later."

we are all guilty of it.

i am guilty of it. i am guilty of putting God on the back shelf, even though i want to be living my life in reckless abandon.  

but, it's stopping here. I am tired of the busy. I am tired of missing the important things that God created especially for me to enjoy. I am tired of spending time on the stuff that doesn't matter, and missing the stuff that does. and I want the cry of my heart to be the same cry of seventeen year old Amy Carmichael...

"Nothing could [will] ever matter [to me] again, but the things that were [are] eternal." -amy carmichael

xx. marcia

i am not, but I know I AM

*just two photos from last summer*

I know, you are probably thinking, what kind of title is that? well, God has been showing me a lot about who He is this last month, and this is just something that has been on my heart of late... 

disclaimer: this is going against everything society and modern Christianity is pointing at. and I know that, this is taking a step out, and going against the flow. 


Everybody has a story. How's that for a classic cliche` statement? Lately, there is a big movement going on in the blogging/internet world about everybody having a story, and how we need to "create our story".  I'm going to do something extremely shocking right now,  so prepare yourselves. I disagree. I disagree with the fact that everybody has a story. I believe we have a chapter, a part of The Story. We as humans get so wrapped up in our story that we forget it isn't really ours. Our culture is constantly throwing ads, commercials, movies, and music at us. And it's all about making you feel good, it's all about you. We get so caught up in the "It's all about ME" attitude. Everything is about us. It's my dreams, my wants, my wishes, and heck, it's my life.  I disagree. 

A few weeks ago, I picked up the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. (remember this post?) I have been wanting to read it ever since it came out, but I never got around to it. And I guess God had a plan for that because right before this He was really showing me somethings and this book fit right into His plan.  I read the entire book in less than an hour; it was so good. 

"Suppose you are an extra in an upcoming movie. You will probably scrutinize that one scene where hundreds of people are milling around, just waiting for that two-fifths of a second when you can see the back of your head. Maybe your mom and your closest friend get excited about that two-fifths of a second with you … maybe. But no one else will realize it is you. Even if you tell them, they won’t care..... Now let's think about the movie of Life. From start to finish, this movie is obviously about God. He is the main character. How is it possible that we live as though it is about us? Our scenes in the movie, our brief lives, fall somewhere between the time Jesus ascends into heaven (Acts) and when we will all worship God on His throne in heaven (Revelation). We have only our two-fifths-of-a-second-long scene to live. I don’t know about you, but I want my two-fifths of a second to be about my making much of God. The point of your life is to point to Him. Whatever you are doing, God wants to be glorified, because this whole thing is His. It is His movie, His world, His gift." (from Crazy Love, ch.2) 

That was my favorite part. You see, it isn't our story (or movie). We are just a chapter in His story, and our chapter is only so long. I was also listening to a sermon by Francis Chan and he mentioned a story about a girl who was preparing for a big speech she had coming up for a class. She prayed "God, I just want to to be there and show your Glory." As she continued preparing she felt God tell her "This is my party, remember? I'm the one who invited you. You should be thankful to have a part in it." We forget it's not our party. It is NOT about us. Recently the song "Steal My Show" by TobyMac hit Christian radio. When I first heard it, I knew there was something wrong about it; but I just couldn't put my finger on it. The music itself is catchy and fun, but it was the lyrics that caught my attention. 

"If you wanna steal my show, I'll sit back and watch you go.

 If you've got somethin' to say, go on and take it away.  -Steal My Show

Yes, TobyMac was talking about his concerts when he says "my show", but really? it shouldn't be "my" show in the first place. It's His party we are invited too, remember? God doesn't need us in His story, but He chose to use us. It was part of His plan. Last weekend, we went on a little road trip and I had time for some extra reading, so I started the book "i am not but I know I AM" by Louie Giglio  (Now, you know where the title came from! ;)) This book was just as impacting and convicting as Crazy Love was. But since the book is so good and I don't want to insert the entire thing in here, I'm going to paraphrase what the message of the book is about. so, humor me for a second...

Remember the story with Moses and the Burning Bush? When Moses asked God "Who shall I say sent me?" What was God's answer?  "I AM THAT I AM. Tell them, I AM sent you."  God was saying, I am everything. I am the beginning and the end, the first and the last, yesterday and tomorrow, now and forever. I AM. 
So, if God is I AM... than who am I?  i am not.  I am everything opposite of God. I am human. I make mistakes. I hurt people. I call myself a Christian, yet I don't act like Christ. I get so wrapped up in my story, my future, my drama, my dreams... that I forget it's not about me. i am not. This is not my story. It's HIS. 

so, this blog isn't about my story. It's about my chapter in  H I S  story. and yes there is going to be mistakes, regrets, and storms along the way, but I know who my Jesus is and I know what He has done. 
and I just wanna thank you for coming along for the ride...
xxx
i am not. 

an update of sorts + a quote

  oh hey, remember this post? well, I've been wanting to read Crazy Love by Francis Chan ever since I read an article about it. and this last week I happened to log into my amazon account and I realized it was on my kindle shelf. I'm not much for reading books online, the real version is so much better. But I decided to at least start on it. Once I got started there was no stopping, I read the entire thing in less than an hour. It was so so  good. and the quotes are amazing.

 (nah, me? a quote addict? never. okay, maybe yes.a lot. ;)) 

ever since I've read it, I have been processing and praying about some things. that's one of the reasons for my absence around here. also, I've been lacking some inspiration lately. I don't know how many times I've started a post, but ended starring at the wide screen with the little blinking line. I've also been a bit stressed with school, and just normal life. Most of the stuff I am stressing about will be over this week though, so I can get back to blogging. 

so basically this is a post telling you to go read Crazy Love and that I am not dead. :)

xxx

marcia

p.s. thanks for all your comments on my last post. you guys made me laugh and it was basically a big homeschooler party. 

(I should have made cupcakes! ;))  >>hugs<<

it feels like spring today.

honestly, the month of February was one of the worst and the best months in my life. it had it's ups (golden birthday, YEAH!) and it's downs (dealing with change), but by the end of the month I just felt drained emotionally. but last week, something changed. 

maybe it was the crazy splashes of warm weather we have been having, but I feel like spring is coming. winter has passed and the signs of spring are bursting forth in my heart.  

 I AM ALIVE.  I am alive, in Christ. I am daily reminded that I am a new creation. 

AND I AM ALIVE. living and breathing. alive. 

I am actually looking forward to spring and summer which is rather surprising. 

(I've said it before and I'll say it again, summer is my least favorite season! oh the horror, I know.;)) 

I was doing some spring cleaning in my photos, and I found these shots from last summer. I must say, though summer is my least favorite season, summer light is the best.

 I've also been trying my hand at editing a bit more. All of the photography you have been seeing on here is all SOOC for one particular reason. I want to know how to create a photograph first, I want to learn the in's and out's of a camera before I start editing my photos. I don't want to become one of those "oh-i'll-just-fix-that-in-photoshop-later" types of photographers. Photography is an art, and I want to learn it. But I am also learning that a little touch up in editing goes a long way, this post showed me the power of just a tad of editing. I tried some things out, and I kinda just love the results. So, you will probably seeing some photos that are slightly edited around here more. :)

xxx, 

marcia

p.s. I was interviewed by Maddie a few days weeks ago and I forgot. This girl is amazing, I'm pretty sure she is my long lost twin or something. We are so similar it's rather freaky. So, go show her some love and you can read the interview >here<. 

p.p.s. if you are one of the people who are just dying for summer, I have a special inspiration post coming up. :)

His Little Feet Concert

 HIS LITTLE FEET is an orphan awareness choir that travels the country singing and raising awareness for the week and vulnerable children. The founders of His Little Feet attend our church, Ellerslie; so, we have the privilege of being around these precious kids during their stay in Colorado. And last Wednesday night, we were able to go to one of their concerts.  I cried so much. It is literally one of the most beautiful things on the earth. If you have a chance to go, I am commanding telling you that you really should! 

Seriously,  it is worth every second. You can see if they are coming near you ----> here.

xxx.

marcia

p.s. you have a couple more hours to enter in the giveaway!