i am not, but I know I AM

*just two photos from last summer*

I know, you are probably thinking, what kind of title is that? well, God has been showing me a lot about who He is this last month, and this is just something that has been on my heart of late... 

disclaimer: this is going against everything society and modern Christianity is pointing at. and I know that, this is taking a step out, and going against the flow. 


Everybody has a story. How's that for a classic cliche` statement? Lately, there is a big movement going on in the blogging/internet world about everybody having a story, and how we need to "create our story".  I'm going to do something extremely shocking right now,  so prepare yourselves. I disagree. I disagree with the fact that everybody has a story. I believe we have a chapter, a part of The Story. We as humans get so wrapped up in our story that we forget it isn't really ours. Our culture is constantly throwing ads, commercials, movies, and music at us. And it's all about making you feel good, it's all about you. We get so caught up in the "It's all about ME" attitude. Everything is about us. It's my dreams, my wants, my wishes, and heck, it's my life.  I disagree. 

A few weeks ago, I picked up the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. (remember this post?) I have been wanting to read it ever since it came out, but I never got around to it. And I guess God had a plan for that because right before this He was really showing me somethings and this book fit right into His plan.  I read the entire book in less than an hour; it was so good. 

"Suppose you are an extra in an upcoming movie. You will probably scrutinize that one scene where hundreds of people are milling around, just waiting for that two-fifths of a second when you can see the back of your head. Maybe your mom and your closest friend get excited about that two-fifths of a second with you … maybe. But no one else will realize it is you. Even if you tell them, they won’t care..... Now let's think about the movie of Life. From start to finish, this movie is obviously about God. He is the main character. How is it possible that we live as though it is about us? Our scenes in the movie, our brief lives, fall somewhere between the time Jesus ascends into heaven (Acts) and when we will all worship God on His throne in heaven (Revelation). We have only our two-fifths-of-a-second-long scene to live. I don’t know about you, but I want my two-fifths of a second to be about my making much of God. The point of your life is to point to Him. Whatever you are doing, God wants to be glorified, because this whole thing is His. It is His movie, His world, His gift." (from Crazy Love, ch.2) 

That was my favorite part. You see, it isn't our story (or movie). We are just a chapter in His story, and our chapter is only so long. I was also listening to a sermon by Francis Chan and he mentioned a story about a girl who was preparing for a big speech she had coming up for a class. She prayed "God, I just want to to be there and show your Glory." As she continued preparing she felt God tell her "This is my party, remember? I'm the one who invited you. You should be thankful to have a part in it." We forget it's not our party. It is NOT about us. Recently the song "Steal My Show" by TobyMac hit Christian radio. When I first heard it, I knew there was something wrong about it; but I just couldn't put my finger on it. The music itself is catchy and fun, but it was the lyrics that caught my attention. 

"If you wanna steal my show, I'll sit back and watch you go.

 If you've got somethin' to say, go on and take it away.  -Steal My Show

Yes, TobyMac was talking about his concerts when he says "my show", but really? it shouldn't be "my" show in the first place. It's His party we are invited too, remember? God doesn't need us in His story, but He chose to use us. It was part of His plan. Last weekend, we went on a little road trip and I had time for some extra reading, so I started the book "i am not but I know I AM" by Louie Giglio  (Now, you know where the title came from! ;)) This book was just as impacting and convicting as Crazy Love was. But since the book is so good and I don't want to insert the entire thing in here, I'm going to paraphrase what the message of the book is about. so, humor me for a second...

Remember the story with Moses and the Burning Bush? When Moses asked God "Who shall I say sent me?" What was God's answer?  "I AM THAT I AM. Tell them, I AM sent you."  God was saying, I am everything. I am the beginning and the end, the first and the last, yesterday and tomorrow, now and forever. I AM. 
So, if God is I AM... than who am I?  i am not.  I am everything opposite of God. I am human. I make mistakes. I hurt people. I call myself a Christian, yet I don't act like Christ. I get so wrapped up in my story, my future, my drama, my dreams... that I forget it's not about me. i am not. This is not my story. It's HIS. 

so, this blog isn't about my story. It's about my chapter in  H I S  story. and yes there is going to be mistakes, regrets, and storms along the way, but I know who my Jesus is and I know what He has done. 
and I just wanna thank you for coming along for the ride...
xxx
i am not. 

awkward and awesome [no. 10]

*because everybody knows cuties are so artistic*

it's been a while since I've done one of these. so some of these are from a couple of weeks ago, but they are still awesome and awkward. ;)

a w k w a r d :

-not being able to find your shoes, then realizing they were exactly where they belong, because they are rarely there. :P

- that awkward moment when you start giving somebody a hug and they aren't really a hug person.

- I was talking to one of my friends about our mock trial court case and I was trying to say "...Gayle has a short statement." well, it came out like "...Gayle has a state shortment." no joke.

- cleaning house and finding three different stashes of bobby pins in odd places.

- I was writing a journal entry and dating it as 2011. Then I realized it was wrong and so I erased it and wrote 2012. and then I realized: it's 2013.

- sitting in my government class and having to ask my sister what year it was because I literally couldn't remember.

- putting something on the top shelf and then seconds later having the can of protein shake powder fall off of the top shelf and hit me smack-dab in the lip. now I have a swollen lump on the inside of my mouth.

- having somebody spell r-e-s-p-e-c-t while talking and it taking me at least 30 seconds to get what he said (I am such a visual learner!) and then realizing what he said and laughing out loud while everybody else is already totally past that point.

- getting ready to paint with some chalkboard paint and realizing we bought a bright green color instead of black. "color of pain is indicted by color of cap". yay for not reading the bottle. not.

- reaching for something at the same time as another person. then both of us pulling our hand back, and then we did the exact same thing again.

- being really really deep in thought and starring into space, then realizing that you are staring directly at a person, and the person looking up and making eye contact. then awkwardly trying to explain that you weren't starring at them, you were just deep in thought.


a w e s o m e :
- fangirling with one of my besties

- having the exact same thought as somebody else and just waving your hands obnoxiously because you both know you thought the exact same thing.

- when people tell me I made their day.

- getting a huge pack of water colour pencils from the thrift store fore $.75. and attempting learning how to watercolour.

- we had part 1 of our mock trial court case today and I was cross-examining my sister and she said I had my "serious sassy attorney face" on. #thankssis

- talking pictures in the drama class for the yearbook and watching them do the macarena. Then totally refrencing this video (watch the end!!) and yelling "AND WHEN MY TIME DOES COME, I WILL DIE WITH DIGNITY" and somebody actually remembering what episdode it came from. #ohblimeycow

- going through practice at my play and one of the guys said the line "The law will take it's course." and yelling "AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' THAT!". people laughed until they cried. I felt so accomplished. ;)
- my government teacher likes Jane Austen. #heiscoollikethat

- having a little kid at my co-op ask me "Why are you always carrying a camera?"

- looking at some things in the past and  realizing how true this verse is.... 

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

so, tell me. what's been awesome or awkward about your week?

xxx. 

marcia
p.s. sorry about all the hashtags, captial letters, and general sarcasm in this and the ridiculous longness of this.

an update of sorts + a quote

  oh hey, remember this post? well, I've been wanting to read Crazy Love by Francis Chan ever since I read an article about it. and this last week I happened to log into my amazon account and I realized it was on my kindle shelf. I'm not much for reading books online, the real version is so much better. But I decided to at least start on it. Once I got started there was no stopping, I read the entire thing in less than an hour. It was so so  good. and the quotes are amazing.

 (nah, me? a quote addict? never. okay, maybe yes.a lot. ;)) 

ever since I've read it, I have been processing and praying about some things. that's one of the reasons for my absence around here. also, I've been lacking some inspiration lately. I don't know how many times I've started a post, but ended starring at the wide screen with the little blinking line. I've also been a bit stressed with school, and just normal life. Most of the stuff I am stressing about will be over this week though, so I can get back to blogging. 

so basically this is a post telling you to go read Crazy Love and that I am not dead. :)

xxx

marcia

p.s. thanks for all your comments on my last post. you guys made me laugh and it was basically a big homeschooler party. 

(I should have made cupcakes! ;))  >>hugs<<

oh yeah, I'm a homeschooler

so, if you are a homeschooler, you probably know exactly what this is like. 

today I had an eye doctor appointment, and this is what happened:
(him being the eye doctor of course)

him: so, I'm guessing you are a sophmore, right?
me: yes, I am. I'm homeschooled actually.
him: *raises eyebrows* OH, homeschooled? what's that like?
me: uhh, it's normal. I just do my school at home instead of at school. I have my favorite subjects and some subjects that are more difficult for me.
him: homeschooling classes are difficult!?
me: yesss.... I am still doing high school.
him: wait, what! how does that work?
me: there is a school in florida that video-tapes their classes and then I stream it online. It's just like I'm there in the class, except I'm watching from a computer.
him: so, do you still have to take tests? are you graded on a normal grading scale?
me: yes, I am. it's just like normal school except I do it at home.
him: so, do you sleep in till 10:00am and skip your homework?
me: uh, nope. I get up the same time as normal school kids, and I still have homework.
him: wow. so, do you do anything else for school?
me: oh, I go to a co-op once a week.
him: do the mom's come in and take turns teaching you guys or....?
me: oh no! they are certified teachers that teach us!
nurse: so, how long have you been homeschooled?
me: my entire life.
him: WHAT!?
nurse: WHAT!? WOW.
him: why do you do that!?
nurse: well, *insert dr. first name here* I guess some people just decide that.
me: exactly.

for the rest of the appointment, he was kinda in shock.

I really felt like asking him if he lived in a hole, but I decided to refrain from that. ;)

this, my friends, is the life of a homeschooler. 

and I'm lovin' it, btw. ;)
xxx,
marcia

forgotten shots v. 3

// purple flowers in afternoon light //

// cold windy days //

// wanderlust //

// reflections in puddles //

// city light bokeh //

// some robins have arrived even though there is still the remains of snow //

it's been way to long since I've done a forgotten shots post. these were the forgotten shots of March, the month where some days felt like spring and other days like winter. 

and this song is a favorite right now:

happy first day of april!
xx.
marcia